Spaced out
Posted by scarlet_hue at 06:12 PM on March 14, 2007.
Warning: This is totally an incoherent post. Don't read if you don't want to become stupid like me.
I'm feeling so tired these days, so tired i feel like a zombie walking around in the midst of a busy crowd. I even stepped on a tansan on my way home and just noticed it when i looked down while i was opening the gate of our house. Weird. I just hope i don't get infected with Clostridium tetani.
I feel so drained everytime i go home that after i change clothes i immediately jump onto my bed and sleep even though our newly reconnected DSL and the mountain (see it to believe) of photocopies fluttering around are tempting me to open my eyes and move my fat ass. I'm not even a bit sleepy when i do that.
It's strange. I'm actually tired for no reason at all.
I'm not tired because of school work, nor from studying for exams. I don't mind being called for interview by different hospitals, i don't mind being with my friends. But what is it that makes me so damn tired every time?
Even my dad commented last night during dinner that i'm getting thinner. But not the 'healty' thin but rather the 'sickly' thin, he said. Even the most conceited clique in our class (please refer to attribbidda's tabulas) says so. The dark circles around my eyes are getting as big as a panda's. Scary.
I'm starting to feel the strain of growing old. Sometimes my brain just deletes some part of my memory that i have these blank periods where i don't even remember who i am or what i am. There are times where i cannot recall what just happened when it just transpired hours ago. I remember a scenario like that when we had a quiz on Blood banking on a tuesday morning, we already passed our 1/2 lengthwise yellow paper for our routine quiz when i asked my seatmate Bernadette if we already had a quiz for blood banking that morning. Weird, i don't even recall the questions or me holding a pen or paper for that quiz. It's like when i opened my eyes i was already holding a piece of yellow paper with answers to questions i don't remember and was ready to pass it forward. My friend even told me that i was the youngest senile person she's ever encountered, and i'm only 18. I think that's saying something.
I'm having blind spots because of my glasses. I think my heart developed some of these "blind spots" too.
Because of these "blind spots" in my heart, i think i've hurt some people, even friends. So, i'm really sorry if i'm so quiet at times not minding you at all. It's not that you're unimportant to me, i'm just spaced out and the music stuck in my head is louder to me rather than the words you are saying to me. I'm really really sorry if you're feeling taken for granted by me, you're really important to me but i'm just not good at expressing my feelings verbally. So please don't hate on me, i really need you, my friends, to be by side during this period of my life. I hope you understand.
I'm just days away from my internship training. I hope i could be with my friends, having fun while working on the laboratory without harlem's group tailing on my ass, but unfortunately so, i think it is God's punishment to me for all of the small kittens i've made cry, to be stuck with harlem herself ALONE in the hospital where i'm going to have my internship. My friends are not going to be with me to keep me from killing myself with a syringe in my throat if i'm kept alone in a room with that girl. I hope they (harlem's clique) get fried on their internship training, haha. Just kidding.
I can smell bread being toast from downstairs. Gotta go down and chow some.
Later.
I'm feeling so tired these days, so tired i feel like a zombie walking around in the midst of a busy crowd. I even stepped on a tansan on my way home and just noticed it when i looked down while i was opening the gate of our house. Weird. I just hope i don't get infected with Clostridium tetani.
I feel so drained everytime i go home that after i change clothes i immediately jump onto my bed and sleep even though our newly reconnected DSL and the mountain (see it to believe) of photocopies fluttering around are tempting me to open my eyes and move my fat ass. I'm not even a bit sleepy when i do that.
It's strange. I'm actually tired for no reason at all.
I'm not tired because of school work, nor from studying for exams. I don't mind being called for interview by different hospitals, i don't mind being with my friends. But what is it that makes me so damn tired every time?
Even my dad commented last night during dinner that i'm getting thinner. But not the 'healty' thin but rather the 'sickly' thin, he said. Even the most conceited clique in our class (please refer to attribbidda's tabulas) says so. The dark circles around my eyes are getting as big as a panda's. Scary.
I'm starting to feel the strain of growing old. Sometimes my brain just deletes some part of my memory that i have these blank periods where i don't even remember who i am or what i am. There are times where i cannot recall what just happened when it just transpired hours ago. I remember a scenario like that when we had a quiz on Blood banking on a tuesday morning, we already passed our 1/2 lengthwise yellow paper for our routine quiz when i asked my seatmate Bernadette if we already had a quiz for blood banking that morning. Weird, i don't even recall the questions or me holding a pen or paper for that quiz. It's like when i opened my eyes i was already holding a piece of yellow paper with answers to questions i don't remember and was ready to pass it forward. My friend even told me that i was the youngest senile person she's ever encountered, and i'm only 18. I think that's saying something.
I'm having blind spots because of my glasses. I think my heart developed some of these "blind spots" too.
Because of these "blind spots" in my heart, i think i've hurt some people, even friends. So, i'm really sorry if i'm so quiet at times not minding you at all. It's not that you're unimportant to me, i'm just spaced out and the music stuck in my head is louder to me rather than the words you are saying to me. I'm really really sorry if you're feeling taken for granted by me, you're really important to me but i'm just not good at expressing my feelings verbally. So please don't hate on me, i really need you, my friends, to be by side during this period of my life. I hope you understand.
I'm just days away from my internship training. I hope i could be with my friends, having fun while working on the laboratory without harlem's group tailing on my ass, but unfortunately so, i think it is God's punishment to me for all of the small kittens i've made cry, to be stuck with harlem herself ALONE in the hospital where i'm going to have my internship. My friends are not going to be with me to keep me from killing myself with a syringe in my throat if i'm kept alone in a room with that girl. I hope they (harlem's clique) get fried on their internship training, haha. Just kidding.
I can smell bread being toast from downstairs. Gotta go down and chow some.
Later.