I also got a love note, from someone in our class. You see, i've never recieved this kind of stuff before. I always thought that i looked like a freak, too ugly to look at. At least NOW i know that somehow, someone thinks i look okay. *squeals* I feel like a school girl... Oh wait, i AM a school girl ^_^


Anyways, i feel so tired living in an urban place. I feel so.. how should i put this.. TOXIC already. I feel that i've seen enough concrete roads, Tall buildings, endless traffic, stoplights and movie posters all my life. I wanna go somewhere where there's less, or NONE of those things in sight. Someplace like... TAGAYTAY! i wanna see some greenery again.. ride a horse or just bum off in a cottage. The only problem is, our sembreak won't be until october something. *sigh* I should've spent my summer vacation wisely. All i did was just surf the net and sleep.. =(

All of us have this past we all want to forget. I tried to forget mine, but it still comes around to haunt me at night. Makes me wanna bash and crash the things around me. IF there's still some left to break.

Remember when all of you were still young, when mommy and daddy always pamper you, take you to malls and give you ice cream cones and baloons? Guess what, i'm so f****** jealous of you. Why? because i've never even experienced those things back when i was supposed to.

Remember when you were still in elementary, back when you have your own gang of cute, little devils? Oh I bet you're jealous of me; For I have this tight circle of enemies. The ones who never forget to ruin and destroy your day. Oh, they know how to destroy your life too. Trust them, they're professionals.

You still recall your school service? The bus full of happy and jolly kids? Well, at least the majority of them in my old one are happy. Happy making fun of me. But i forgive them, really. I just wanted them all to die to wipe those sickening smirks on their faces. Nuff said.

Have you even experienced to wait from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. at school? For 2 years? Have you experienced the pain of not having a best friend/confidant when you needed one? When the only playmate you have is your brother, who at that time uses you as an experimental subject to see how effective his newly-acquired brand of ridiculing is? No? well you just missed HALF of your life.

Let's go to High School life then. The so-called period of "transition".
If i ask you, do you miss/enjoyed your HS life? Of course you'd answer yes. But if that question was backfired on me, I'd say f*** no.

Wanna know why?

When i was still a hopeful freshman, i studied at this prestigious university [i'd rather not say the name of the university for my own protection] hoping for a fresh, new start. Had i known the saying "history repeats itself", i would'nt have done so. So, being so good at making unconditional enemies, i had a very reliable gang of enemies again. Teachers and students alike. They were so good in destroying my life, i had forced myself to leave that school. I know i should've got good grades. I am smart, i can speak english as good as any of them, and i am a dilligent student. The only problem is, the teachers have the hots for me. They take their pleasure from deliberately failing me in everyway they can. So, no choice. I had to leave that f****** school. I believe what rizal thinks of [University] is right. It's the nest of discriminators(?) and hypocrytes. Nothing but show-offs and plastic friends are made.

I think the time where the wounds of my past started to heal was when i was in my junior year of my HS life. What my philosophy adviser said was right, "you can only find the fake ones in the box full of sparkling and beautiful gems and you can find the true ones in the trash can." It's kind of difficult to explain but i think you already know what it means anyway. I finally found true friends, ones who are willing to accept you whatever, whoever you are. Thus, i started to change the way i think about life. Up to now i'm still in that state of bliss, of not having enemies for the FIRST time in my life. But i don't know when it will last. I have a feeling that the past is going to repeat itself again. It's bothering me again, all those years of heartache, tears and apathy. I don't know. I think i'm a just a human being made to be broken and pained over and over again...

Death is not an option but it's much better than living in hell.

it's simple, and black. Just the way i like it. And don't get me wrong, i don't intend this one to be beautiful.. So, like it or not, i love this new layout ^_^

Oz world's one of the most hooking online game i've ever played aside from Ragnarok online. Their theme song [Burnout - sugarfree] rocks too. Set aside na talaga ang pRO for me pero... sorry, di me namimigay ng items. Kuripot ako e ^_^

My Latest OZ images {dami ko nang damit and i've got a new haircut na!} Taray no?! ^_^
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13 years

That was how long our pet dog stayed with us. He was almost a human being, a part of our small family. Although he was just a dog, i treated him just like a smaller brother. He accompanied and guarded our humble abode for all these years so that our house will be safe when we come home. But tonight, that loyal guard had already come to rest. Our family dog, Saddam had finally said goodbye forever.

I wasn't even there to say goodbye one last time.

He was almost as old as me. From the day i opened my eyes until i had grown up into a teenager -- he was there with me, he has seen it all. But now, death had taken away his chance to live longer to see me blossom into a young adult. To be a companion to my father when he succumbs to old age. To have his own puppies. He may be just a dog but i believe that there was a soul behind those luminous eyes. His presence will linger in our house forever.

No more familliar barks

No more digging paws

No more cat-fiend/friend

No more stranger repeller

And, lastly

There will be no one there to greet me at the door when i come home.

†A tribute to Saddam, the black beast†

Saddam, born year 1992 was from the breed of collie. His real owner was australian, but due to some problems at the airport, he was given to my dad when he was still working at DOT. He had a twin, but it was taken back in australia. He was named saddam because saddam hussein was reigning over iraq that time. His long, black hair and notoriety with strangers gave him the title [the black beast]. He was the most famous dog in the neighborhood because of his australian descent and he was the only dog here who was able to live for 13 years.

May God take care of you in heaven. We will never forget you.