You know Tabbie, I contemplated on deleting you. I almost clicked the left mouse button with the cursor hovering on the delete option in the control panel. I felt that we are already so disconnected now that I thought it was only appropriate to finally let you rest. But then I remembered the 6 years we've gone through together... you have been with me ever since the day I crossed the threshold of College up until the day I passed the board exams. You were there to bear witness to my pain, frustrations and even the small things that made me happy. But lately, i've been too busy to update you with my life. I was so uninspired to blog these days and that it drove me to the point where I thought I didn't need you anymore. Then I suddenly envisioned life without you and I realized that I couldn't let you go. You're like a friend I can't physically see but always there in the sidelines, cheering for me and eager for the latest news about me. It was very selfish of me to have even thought of erasing you. For that, i'm sorry. I'll make up to you by trying to write more often. I want to reconnect with you again, tabbie.

So now, as a celebration of our reconnection, I present to you... an entry.

Okay, let's get this started.

***

I'm finally on sembreak, whew! 6 months of hard work has finally paid off. I passed all of my subjects outright and I didn't have to worry about taking removal exams nor the promotion boards. I'm so happy! Thank you Bro, I couldn't have done it without your divine assistance. :D

And did I already mention I was exempted to take the Final exam for Biochem? :D

I never expected this to happen because Biochem is like one of the most hard knockin' subjects in the first year curriculum... and never would've I guessed i'd end it with a grade of 1.50. Woohoo! My prayers were answered. Now I know that God really listens to those who want to be heard.

I feel bad for my other classmates though. A lot of them were "weeded" out (as higher years succinctly coin it) and from the original population of 65, section F is down to 38. I blame it on the very rushed environment in FEU. There was really no room for adjustment and they already bombed us with numerous shifting exams since day 1. But I do understand why the academe is doing that, the reason is pretty simple. We're already pursuing a doctorate degree and as aspiring doctors we are expected to handle things with grace and maturity even under the bout of stress. As one of my professors told us, a doctor's life is never stress-free. So as early as now, they're training us to work under pressure because the strain bought about working in a hospital is never a joke. I should know, having worked for more than 5 months inside one. So yeah, i'm gonna have a tough road ahead, but I chose this and i'm standing by it until the end. 

Some people who got affected by the "weeding" are close friends of mine. I'm sad about what happened... as in reeeaally sad. But I am as powerless as they are and I can only dust my knees, get up and move on. I have myself to think about too. I pray that God blesses them on whatever they're planning to do after this.

That's about it regarding my scholastic affairs. Let's talk about the more trivial but fun (?) events that happened to me lately.

***

I just discovered that I'm one of the most googled people in our classroom. Really, I have no idea why. Two people have already admitted on doing so, and i hope i don't get any more confessions soon. The top reason me and my friends could think of is that my classmates are having a hard time believing that I didn't graduate as Cum Laude or with honors at least. Do I look like a liar? Haha! Well, slight lang. Uhm, I feel kinda awkward about it but i'm not mad. If you guys are reading this right now, i just wanna say that i'm more boring than a slice of white loaf bread and I hope you don't find any incriminating stuff about me (though i couldn't think of any). Oh and by the way, I got my premed degree from MCU, not UST.

Speaking of MCU, i went back there last friday and was mildly amused with the structural changes it has undergone since I graduated. However, i'm still as dissatisfied as ever with their administration. That new registrar is really flipping my bitch switch. I kinda missed the old one tuloy.

Oh and I finally got my yearbook. It looks very nice, even with typographical errors and all. Plus the testimony under my picture was really sweet. Thanks Dean, i know you're the one who composed that.

***

About my love life? Hmm.. I don't want to go to details and all I can say is that he's not the guy I thought he was. It was fortunate that I have a good head on my shoulders. My mom certainly didn't raise a fool, for sure! ;D

I feel bad for Girl 2 though (You know her). She was just a victim of a disaster called Jerk. Though sometimes I couldn't help but feel somehow responsible for her heartache. I don't know how to console her, and the only thing I could do for her is to wish her peace of mind and strength to overcome the pain. And as for that guy, i pray that he gets what is due to him. The asshole. D:<

***

I'm worried about my dad's health these days. The signs of aging are showing up and they definitely don't bring good news. First, his gouty arthritis have struck again. He was briefly hospitalized for it because he couldn't walk and it's causing too much pain. Next is his teeth. He just woke up one day with a swollen face and gums so we rushed him to a dentist to have his molars extracted. Poor dad. He couldn't eat any solid food and he still needs to undergo another dental operation to relieve him of the pain. I feel so sad about this. In my eyes, he's the epitome of power in our house and I grew up looking up to him as some kind of superman. But now, seeing him in a frail and crumbled state makes me weak in the knees and sick to my stomach. But this gives me all the more reason to become a doctor as soon as possible. I still want to repay him for the love and support he has given me all my life. He may have been a strict disciplinarian, but he's still my Dad and I love him. 

That's about it for now. I feel refreshed. I missed blogging like this.

Later!

P.S. I can't help but post this. Cobalt and Aurum is the cutest couple ever~!

My Hopeless Wish

By Golda C.

My wish is very simple, it's to have your pure and unwavering love.
To be the only girl for you, despite my imperfections and flaws.
To be that thought that would make you smile when you are sad and lonely.
To have those beautiful eyes that can stare right into your soul.
To be the owner of that voice you so long to hear after a very tiring day.
To have that radiant smile and silver-bell laughter that melts your heart.
To have that wit and humor that makes you laugh.
To be that girl who makes you want to change for the better.
To be that girl you simply can't live without.

My wish is very simple, yet very hard to obtain.
So I pray to the almighty father to take pity on me, his child.
And grant me this wish I have in my heart.
No matter how hopeless this wish might sound.

Whoo, drama. Haha. Yup, i'm a hopeless romantic. A very hopeless one indeed. Hehe. 

***

Hay. Ba't ganun. Been feeling really depressed lately. Maybe due to the weather? I hope that's only the case.

I wonder why despite the love of the people around me, i still feel so cold and lonely?

It feels as if i get emptier inside by the minute.

Even sketching -- my favorite hobby, doesn't seem to alleviate this vaccum within me.

Maybe i'll cry tonight. Even if i don't have a solid reason to. I need a catharsis, and crying seems to do the job.

Be honest, okay? I just want your opinion on this. If you can draw an answer from a previous experience, it'd be much better. Experience is definitely > theory, but your unbiased opinion matters too.

The scenario is this:

You are a cool guy who's got good looks, a deep pocket, and a charming smile. You are a medical student and an athlete as well. Basically, you've got it going on for you. At school, you meet two nice girls who both likes you. You have the liberty to choose between the two, but you can only choose one.

To help you with choosing, may I present to you Exhibit A:

Girl 1:

An average-looking girl who's got brains. She's tall, plumper than most girls (but not fat), and a little bit of a tomboy with a great sense of humor. She's someone you can approach when you wanna have a decent conversation with somebody, and you can trust her to laugh with you even if your joke's cornier than a corn field. Overall, she's not exactly the coolest girl to hang out with, but a good companion nonetheless. 

Girl 2:

A very pretty girl with a petite physique and a girly charm to die for. She's very lady-like (she hailed from an all-girls school somewhere near katipunan) and approachable. She's always quipped with a radiant smile and a friendly aura. If you're thinking she might be just another bimbo, think again. She may not be the most sharpest tool in the shed but she works hard to make up for it. She's probably the perfect girlfriend material.

We move now to Exhibit B:

Girl 1:

She likes you a lot and there's this smouldering chemistry between the two of you. She thinks you make her life more interesting.

Girl 2:

She thinks you're gorgeous and the two of you look great together. 

Last is Exhibit C:

Girl 1:

Can be compared to Angel Locsin; An All-Filipina girl with a Morena complexion and a nice smile. Angel looks like someone who could be a classmate or a neighbor, right? I think there are women are prettier than her in terms of facial features but she got her goddess status through her pleasant and down-to-earth attitude. She's an overt reminder of how women can be beautiful when they're comfortable in their own skins.

Girl 2:

Can be somewhat similar to Anne Curtis but only in physical appearance... people say Anne can be such a bitch and Girl 2 is a very sweet girl. Girl 2 is a kikay with chinita eyes and plump red lips. Can be compared to a delicate flower that needs to be taken care of. If you put Kim Chiu's bubbly personality in Anne's body, you have Girl 2. Very delicious, hmm?

Now, with that all that said...

Who among the two would you choose?

Think carefully and try your best to put yourself in the shoes of the guy in the scenario.

Your answers will be very much appreciated. 

This is what i'm afraid of, and now it really happened. I fell for him. I fell for him hard. I don't like that. I don't want to ruin our friendship. But it's too late now. I am starting to ache for him. This. is. bad. 

This is your fault. You always made me feel so special. You always made me feel that in a sea of girls, you'd only see me. You always give me that sweet sweet smile whenever we come across each other. You would always be a gentleman when it comes to me. I hate that soul-piercing stare of yours. I hate that panty-creaming wink you do when you're being naughty. I hate your sexy voice. I hate everything you possess!

I hate them because i know they'd never be mine. 

Please stop doing these things to me. You're starting to hurt me. 

Grah. I'm starting to hate myself. I feel despicable.